Haiku Monday: New Beginnings

Your old love letters,
souvenirs of mad bliss burn
to feng shui my heart.

Haiku Monday: The Winner for SPIN

Well, isn't this a delightful set of comments on my blog? I spend all day traveling to Atlanta on my sister's USAir pass and my mother (who usually has linguini with clam sauce awaiting me) suggestes that I make myself a Screwdriver and a salami sandwich on white bread. This is Oscar Meyer kids' lunch salami--not Eataly, NYC salami.

And THIS is what's been happening all day? Really? I need another Screwdriver to blot out the many unpleasant images herein.

Before that, let me say that this has been an amazing collection of haiku. My heart pulled toward Rafa's "love me, love me not," but since the first read, Curmudgeon's first entry really had me:

Like one half a moth

the autumn maple seed falls

while spinning the world

The visual is spot-on, and "spinning the world" made me think of moths and silkworms spinning silk to make kimonos and caterpillars becoming butterflies and the world spinning around with butterflies in it...the haiku simply spoke to me on all levels. So, congratulations Curmy! Well done. You will be the recipient of Fleur's Haiku Monday Love Songs. (I owe it to at least 3 other winners too! New Year's Resolutions are coming!)

Aunty Belle, I'm glad things have smoothed out for you, and I loved the coincidence that your early a.m. reading surfaced! Corey Jo, we missed you, and I missed Chicky, too! Next time, yes?

Honored, as always, FLEUR, who supports no word but "dyspeptic" when it comes to unpleasant stomach situations.

Haiku Monday: Spin

You spin me right round, baby!

The December 19 Haiku Monday Theme is "Spin."

Please post all entries here.

Enter as many haiku as you like, but indicate which two you want judged. Visuals will be taken into consideration, so if you post visuals at your site, indicate that, too. The usual  5-7-5 format applies. Kireji and kigo are preferred elements, though it's possible to win without them if your entry knocks my tabi off.

Good luck!  I cannot wait to read your entries!

Haiku Monday: Silver

Buried in the sand,

treasure glitters within reach!

Silver gum wrapper.


Tiffany's treasures:
glitter, sparkle, shimmer, shine.
Your smile dazzles me.

Haiku Monday: Time

The second hand sweeps.
My pulse thrums like summer rain;
one beat skips for you.

Haiku Monday: Expression

Geisha's winter face.
Frozen lake with life beneath
cracks under his kiss.

Haiku Monday: Adventure

Tangle-trailed dead-ends.
Primal shrieks and steamed silence.
Jungle of your heart.

Here is what the haiku monday judge (moi) said about my haiku.  It's so spectacular, I have to post it:

FLEUR: For Fleur, our resident Kate Bush of Haiku in High Heels, love is a battlefield. A stranger in an open car. A gas. An eventual pain in the ass. And boy, don't Pat Benetar and Debbie Harry wished they'd written "primal shrieks and steamed silence?" I know I do. 
Thank you, Moi!  

Haiku Monday: Death

 

                                                   Guillotine whistles.
                             Copper curls burnished with blood,
                             lips pale like moonrise.


At open mic night
I tell tales of match.com.
 No one cracks a smile.

Halloween

The Ex-Wives of Frankenstein!
When my mother got this picture, she responded with, "I don't know what to say!"  The men at the Greek diner in my building didn't recognize us when we went to show them our costumes.  My friend (above) said, "they thought we were hookers!"  I found this flattering, actually, because they see us every day after the gym, and we look awful.

My Imaginary Cat

If I had a cat, I would want this kind of cat.  I would name her/him "Jinx" after Jinx Falkenberg, who was an early TV talk show hostess.  There are pictures of her on the wall downstairs outside the high-end consignment store in my apartment building.  She once interviewed the woman who started this store (called Encore.)  One time, I saw a Louis Vuitton handbag there for $475 (gently used.)  Not having a job, I didn't think I should spend that money.  I still don't have a job--and if I had bought it, at least I'd have a LV bag!

Haiku Monday: Joy

Ancient torture tools:
razors, pointed sticks, hot wax.
Summer pedicure!

Haiku Monday: Ghost

My heart is a wraith;
haunted and caught, tangled in
your sweet barbed-wire love.

My New Part Time Job

I am into 4 days of a 7-day training program that will prepare me to tutor high-level business people with their English skills.

Here is what I hope my first client will look like:

What's Wrong With Harriet Nelson? And Go Occupy Your OWN Street!

My friend Victoria asked me if I'd seen any Occupy Wall Street protesters searching out tycoon residences on the Upper East Side today. I told her no--thankfully. Though I admire sincere protest, I feel about many of the Occupy Wall Street crowd the way I feel about grafitti: it's cluttering up the landscape and appeals to the criminal element. She said I sounded like Harriet Nelson! I don't think she was flattering me, either.

Haiku Monday: Velvet

Fall's golden blanket
drifts down piece by piece, warming
summer's velvet bed.

Haiku Monday: Fog

Bath steam fogs the glass.
The heart you traced is crystal,
though you have faded.

Haiku Monday: Journey

Hand carved oak wagon
Canvas ripples in the wind
and shelters our dreams


Trampled cotton fields
Mangled hearts line the long road
to Appomattox

Haiku Monday: Birth

Orgasmic labor?
Too good to be true, I think.
Like fat-free ice cream.

Haiku Monday: Memory

Fuscia-hued corsage.
Supple, fragrant bloom pressed flat.
Taste of love preserved.

Haiku Monday: Walk

Red Stilettos


Sharpened pencil sleek
lacquered like a geisha's pout.
Oh, the irony!

When You Don't Know What You Want, I'm the One for You!

Who do I have to sign my 401K over in order to get an appointment at a TEMP agency!?

Oh, wait, I forgot...the 401K is gone.  (Sorry, cubs, you're going to have to get w'me for my wit and wisdom as there's no Sugar left.)

14 years ago, I came to The City all Pollyanna 'n' shit--and it paid off.  Got a seasonal job at Bloomingdales right off the bat, and then made many dollars an hour at very easy temp work: greeting people, answering the phone. Then, saw an ad in the NY Times (the paper version), interviewed and got the job.  Ah...1998...cue, "can it be that it was all so simple then, or has time rewritten every line?"

No, it was simple then!  Now, for temp work, you have to fill out your life/work story online and attach your resume.  IF there's a job that EXACTLY matches your resume, you MIGHT be contacted.

What??  If there were jobs out there that exactly matched my resume, I wouldn't need a temp agency!  

 Anyway, finally got to meet with a lady at Addecco temp agency--but only because my landlord's assistant referred me.  

Once I got to talk to someone and expand upon my resume, I felt some hope.  I could see that the recruiter was excited too--she has a good candidate on her hands!  I explained to her that I would be an excellent executive assistant to someone very old who wanted me to make his martinis and create all of his correspondence as well as answering his phone.  (That got a good laugh! It's important to impress a recruiter with your charm and sense of humor.)  While I was selling myself by explaining how conference management was essentially project management and that I was willing to take any work except coallating binders, she said, "you know, there's a long-term temp training job for Morgan Stanley that's been on my desk for a while.  At first they wanted a professional trainer--but they didn't like any of them.  Now, they just want the right chemistry, and not necessarily any experience."  

I assured her that conference management was just like training in a variety of ways: explaining things to people, sharing processes and procedures, telling anecdotes, using diplomacy and tact on thick-headed people.   She loved this!  I said, "Jeneva, if they don't know what they want, then they don't realize that they want me."

She has sent my resume over with the request that they set up a phone interview.

Now, how could this have occurred through a keyword-match search in a database?

Haiku Monday: Pacific

                                 Golden Mountain


                                Land of Golden Dreams
                                lures with shimmer and betrays.
                                Mirage, far from home.




Hawaiian Honeymoon


palm fronds and flowers
blushing limbs and sea spray tang
lava covers us


Cedar Closet


Mohair sweater hangs.
A bittersweet memento
of Sausalito.

Haiku Monday: Winner, VENEER

I know I always say this, but what a tough crowd!  Very hard to judge this week; you showed great diversity on this theme.

I've read them through many times, including aloud.

We have Moi's:

Miss Represent

California girls?
Not even their hair is real.
Surface is substance.

Witty, and true!  Same with Fishy's:

Dr. Orifice

Two thousand per tooth!
That first impression greeting?
Pricey. Not priceless.

Funny?  Yes...and depressing, as the truth often is.

Troll, you are the master of the action haiku, and your visual really matched.  Excellent punctuation and capitalization, too. 

Review Revised

Peeling back the mask.
Standing athwart history
yelling Stop. And LOOK!


Karl, Karl, Karl: (to steal from the Csar's holding pattern):

I am your number one fan, and this entry sounds beautiful.
But am I wrong in mentioning that neither the first nor last line has the proper number of syllables?  (I mean, I think "valiant" has 3 syllables?)

Valiant flight cut short
Iran's gift steals night cover
Oden welcomes

I particularly liked Pam's subject.  It made me think of old buildings that are forever reconstituted, fall into disrepair, and are built back up.  Having just been to the Tenement Museum where you can see the many layers of wallpaper on top of each other from 1865-1933, I really related to it. 

Old brick buildings sit
on a weathered old main street;
past prosperity

I couldn't contain my initial appreciation for the Csar's haiku below:

Starred in Pippin, right?
Seventies’ song-and-dance man?
Ah, dyslexia.

This was just great.  Whatever you drank/ate/inhaled at the Rumpus, keep it up.

Chickory contributed the following:

Fugitive pigments
suspended in glaze; Vermeer,
Master of surface

This haiku was elegant, sophisticated, beautiful and sounded lovely read aloud.  "Fugitive pigments suspended in glaze" is one of the best descriptions I have ever read.

Chickory, you are the winner!  You will receive your very own CD of Fleur's handpicked lovesongs.

Congratulations!  Thanks everyone.  I was honored to host.

Haiku Monday: Glossing Over It

When I was 11, someone gave my parents a Flip Wilson doll.  Anyone remember Flip Wilson or his doll?  One side of the doll was Flip Wilson as a regular guy, and the other side was his alter ego, sassy-talkin' Geraldine.  When you pulled the string, you got Geraldine's let-it-all-hangout -pronouncement "What you see is what you get!"

This week's haiku Monday theme is VENEER.

Please submit your 5-7-5 haiku here by midnight Monday.  Visuals are delightful, but not counted.  If you submit more than one, please indicate your entry.

Good luck!

Haiku Monday: Whistle

                                              Summer's midnight lull.
                                              A distant train splits the night
                                              from peace to longing.




(image from Frederike Wetzel)

Daniel Henney is a (Korean-American) doll

Daniel Henney, a Korean-American model/actor from Michigan has become an Asian Sensation since the mid-2000s, despite the fact that he basically spoke no Korean.  Can you see why?  When I write my Korean drama around the ill-fated romance between  Troll and Riko, I will add a pointless sub-plot featuring Daniel Henney's character and me.  Csar, you will have a featured role as a Western journalist who gets caught up in a seemingly spicy (but actually innocent) romance with a karaoke singer.    

I had him test with Gwynnie, below, to make sure he could perform on screen.

Haiku Monday Kudos: Memory

Having peaked at Monday night's reception with the wine, I am neither hammered nor hungover at the moment.  However, I did get a text late last night from a guy I had one date with this winter.  Clearly, he was texting with intent to Wiener.  Really?  


After I kind of liked you, and you didn't even kiss me or ask me out again?  Bitch, please!  Speaking of memory: I have a loooong one!


But, I digress.


I was so impressed with the wit and poignancy of your entries!  Not to mention the fecundity that some of you showed!


Carl:  I have come to expect your haiku cocktails full of wit with a splash of wry.  (I didn't make that up: I read it somewhere!)  This week was no exception.  Nice use of "presbyopia."


As the time goes by
Presbyopia and memory loss
Successful marriage 




Troll, if they made a sitcom out of CLAN OF THE CAVE BEAR, you would be the forest-dwelling next-door-neighbor, dispensing primordial advice.  Your entry was assured and impeccable:


Sleeping dog shudders.
Relax. That dream-beast you fear?
Long ago extinct. 


The next haiku reflected a common theme among the entries: the power of memory (and its void) to help us keep moving through life.  I loved the phrase "big swaths gone."  What made this a winner for me was the elegant bewilderment of the final phrase "that left scars, somewhere.


This week's winner is the CSAR.


Childhood: Big swaths gone.
Void protects from sights and sounds
That left scars, somewhere. 


Csar, you will recieve a custom-made CD from my private collection of music, sure to stir up memories.


Honorable mention to Fishy for beautifully covering the most themes and to Kym for her haiku featuring CATS' Gryselda.  


Thanks for playing!  It was an honor to host.

Haiku Monday: Memory

It is said that the memory of an eyewitness is generally unreliable.  Yet, some people's memories are more real to them than their everyday lives.


This week's Haiku Monday theme is "Memory."


Please submit your 5-7-5 Haiku in the comments section of this post.  Multiple entries are welcomed. Visuals won't be considered, but are always fun to see on your blog.


Please submit by midnight this coming Monday.  Winner will be announced Wednesday.  I will be attending a conference, so most likely will review and write up while cleaning out the mini-bar.


Good luck!

Bachelorette dish, anyone?

Watching The Bachelorette has been like eating an economy-size bag of Twizzlers: making me sick...and yet...I keep eating.  


How many times can you listen to people use the words "awesome", "amazing",  and "may be 'the one'"?


So, I googled "Bachelorette spoilers".  Now, I KNOW who wins!  I don't have to watch it any more.  


The End

Ashley the Bachelorette ponders whether it's better to be called "awesome" by an "amazing" guy, or whether it's better to be called "amazing" by an "awesome" guy.

Haiku Monday: Vacation(s)

My Mom, in Italy

Suitcase swiped in Rome;
only shoes are sky-high heels.
Pieta brings tears.


Best Vacation Ever, Summer of '73

Drive through the Badlands.
Steely Dan on 8-track tape.
Pop Rocks and Blowpops.


True Story on PBS

Trip down mem'ry lane:
her Holocaust Vacation.
It's a small, small world.

For Anyone Who Has Wanted to Bitchslap a Fellow Movie Goer

I don't have a lot of pet peeves; in fact, I think that I am much more tolerant than the average person.  Here are some things I hate, not necessarily in order of how seethe-inspiring the peeve is.

1.  People who flick their cigarettes on the sidewalk.

2.  People who smoke while walking down the sidewalk in front of me.

3.  Movie reviewers and movie trailers who reveal so much that you may as well skip the movie.

4.  People who don't curb their dogs.  I don't want to watch your dog in action when I am coming out of Dean and Deluca with my iced coffee.

5.  People who honk their horns to indulge their impatience.  There are fines for doing that in my neighborhood, and I wish I had a barcoded ID tracking sticker that I could slap on any car in violation.

6.  People who smack and pop their gum on the subway...or anywhere.  Two separate people behind me did it last night all the way through CATCH ME IF YOU CAN on Broadway.   Because I was someone's guest, I didn't do the Glen Miner twist and hiss at them; I used the more dignified over the shoulder graceful but pointed glance.

7.  Men who appear in public with their tie untied and hanging down as if to say, "hey, I'm not on the clock yet!"

Oh, brother...I could really keep going.  I guess I am not all that tolerant.

Biggest pet peeve: people who talk/text in movies. 

I posted this video on Facebook yesterday, and it only got one comment!  I am shocked.  This is brilliant!

http://youtu.be/1L3eeC2lJZs

Haiku Monday: Cliche

Cracked heart on my sleeve.

You could save me, but withhold.

Like "Little Foxes."

Cub of the Week: Torrence Coombs as Thomas Culpepper

He was a dastardly character on the Tudors.  Canadian actor Torrence Coombs as Thomas Culpepper.  (He's 27.)

Oh, what a broody gaze!  Things will not end well for Katherine Howard and 

Thomas Culpepper.

Haiku Monday: Hobbies - Quilting

Flimsy scraps of life

stitched together and made whole.

Wraps me up in love.

Haiku Monday Kudos: First Kiss

Thank you all so much for your patience this week. And thanks to the Troll for coming up with this wonderful challenge.  


I have learned first-hand what a daunting assignment it is to choose only one winner for the Haiku Monday challenge.  Fortunately, I had the assistance of 4 of my most insightful and beloved relatives: my mother, her two sisters and my own sister.


THE JUDGES
Once described by Tom Brokaw as "the prettiest girls in Yankton, South Dakota" (their mutual hometown), my mom and aunts took their roles as haiku judges soberly, if not with 100% sobriety.  My sister, the flight attendant, also chimed in, though she had to be refreshed on the the definition of a haiku.


THE JUDGING PROCESS
We sat in the living room of my 250- square foot apartment while I read each haiku as the vodka martini, scotch on the rocks, and red wine-drinking judges listened intently.  I explained that I wanted to make notes next to those haiku that made an immediate impact on them.  


After noting which haiku stimulated responses, I asked which one(s) they thought they liked the best.  This process took three hours, and involved many detours into stories of early loves, first kisses, James Dean, a horse, nuns and Yankton's Teen Canteen @ 1955.


After a great deal of review admiration for parts and pieces of every single one of the haiku, one in particular kept surfacing.  More on the winner, shortly.


ESTEEMED RUNNERS-UP

 By: Master Basho's Nostalgic Ghost

I remember her
as if it was just a few
hundred years ago. 


This is the haiku that we discussed the most.  It brought up the question of time's passing, fated love, reincarnation, and the rarity of true love.

By: Karl

Sweet thing next to me.
PLEASE, lucky spinning bottle.
Alas her sister.

This is the haiku that got the most immediate, biggest group reaction.  Everyone laughed at the same time.  This is the haiku I wish I had written, as I have my own issues with Spin the Bottle.

By: Aunty

Forbidden delight!
Stolen silver pyramid,
Mama knew, then smiled. 

The group appreciated the cleverness of the play on "Kiss."  I think this had the best haiku structure matched with the idea.

HONORABLE MENTION


By Fishy: 
Enthusiastic
Canine kisser of wee babe
Guardian of love

My Aunt Anne, owner of a Golden Retriever named Skippy, made me promise to commend Fishy on her Haiku. 

By Karen:

Comforting, fragrant
You were always there for me
I loved that pillow 

My Aunt Al, a former 7th grade English teacher from Wisconsin, related strongly to this one.

THE WINNER OF HAIKU MONDAY ESTEEMED GOLDEN BADGE FOR "FIRST KISS."

My mom and aunts come from a very close knit family.  Their parents and aunts and uncles are all gone now, but mom and Aunt Anne and Aunt Al were very close to their aunt Florence, my grandfather's beloved baby sister.  Aunt Florence married Uncle Larry back in the 1930s and theirs was a real love story.  They were married for about 40 years when Uncle Larry developed Alzheimer's disease. Aunt Florence cared for him in their small house on Locust Street in Yankton.  One night, she was washing the dishes at the kitchen sink, and Uncle Larry came behind her.  He put his arms around her and said, "If I wasn't married, I could really go for you."  

By Karl:

As memory fades
and the names and faces blurred.
One stands out in time.

Congratulations, Karl!  Let me know where to send your Love Songs CD.

Thanks to everyone for your wonderful, amazing haiku.  Hosting this week was a privilege.

God Love You, Mom

My mom and dad, spring of 1961.  My mom is six months pregnant with me.  Look at her glow!  (Possibly, from that cordial and cigarette combo.)

Haiku Monday Challenge: First Kiss

Did you know that your mouth holds more bacteria than there are people in the whole world?

And still, we kiss.

This week's theme is "First Kiss."  Post your 5-7-5 haiku here at the comments section (as well as at your blog if you like.  But please make sure you post here!)  Deadline: Monday, 11:59pm

I will be this week's judge.  In addition to winning the most precious 

Haiku Monday Golden Badge, you will be awarded a mixed CD of love songs, handpicked from the Fleur's personal collection, which believe me, is extensive and includes such fine artists as 

Barry Manilow, Firefall, David Cassidy and The Smiths.

Good luck to you all!

I will start it off:

Gown of dusty rose

bloom of young desire crushed

drama club prom date

Word to the Tipper: Song Lyric Haiku

My favorite lyric: "word to the Tipper 'rap won't fall/word to the bourgeois 'fuck all y'all."

-Sir Mix a Lot, "I Checks My Bank"

Tipper Gore, far right, Member, Parents' Music Resource Center

    My Haiku

    Hitchcock cool blonde mom

    fights off rage-filled words like birds

    heroine or fool?

Fake Tippi Hedren Halloween lookalike in "The Birds"

It's not often I would contradict the Csar...but I am forced to address his opinion that Tipper Gore was never much to look at.

Tipper and Al Gore as newlyweds...both hotties!

My Two Recent Birthday Limericks

For a while I was posting birthday limericks on my Facebook friends' walls.  I still do it when inspired (or requested!)

This one was for my cousin Allyson, a half-marathon runner, who was on a bike trip to San Francisco on her birthday.  She let me know she was waiting patiently for her limerick and wanted her youth and girlish figure highlighted:

To my cousin, I raise a libation:
the most youthful, slim blonde in the nation!
Though it's running she likes
she's in love with her bike:
she cannot resist the vibration!

For my aunt Al, a retired school teacher in Madison, who is spending a lot of her time at the Madison capitol building marching pro-union:

There once was a lady called Alice

who marched without venom or malice.

Demure and reserved,

(unless Tea was being served);

and then what a tempest would fell us!

My Haiku

I weep in my sleep.
on my pillow, a shadow
of my face remains.

Fragrant like napalm
tween bombshell's heady weapon
of Love's Fresh Lemon.

Wrapped in new couture
not lover's arms. Pearls, heavy
where her heart should be.

A singing Partridge
is sweet.  A Partridge as a
chicken is fowl play.